And, then I smiled. I thought to myself, “I am Fat & Happy!”
“Whatever has happened to me?” I wondered. I’d spent my life concerned, to a degree, about my weight, trying to eat healthy, but more importantly, exercising daily so that I would avoid an encounter like this with my critical mirror. How did I get here? (And, whose flabby arms are those?!)
In my early 40s, I had been a runner, jogging about 3 miles per day. In addition, I did various exercises each day, such as leg lifts and stomach crunches. I was fit and trim, and best of all, I could still eat all my chocolate and sweets, with no negative consequences.
In my mid-40s, I was diagnosed with moderate arthritis in my hips and was told not to run anymore. I joined a gym and substituted 30 minutes on the elliptical trainer for my morning jog. That seemed to work, and I could still eat whatever I wanted.
The last three years, though, my dedication to daily exercise decreased dramatically – partly due to depression, partly due to the car accident I had last year, and mostly due to sheer laziness. And, now at age 49, with 50 closing in on me next month, I have far exceeded all the waistlines of my favorite clothes. Although this change in my physical life does not seem to be working well for my body, I am still eating whatever I want…only now it shows.
Yes, here I am, Fat & Happy.
I think much of my happiness is on the inside, not the outside. Thinking back to times of my svelte self, I was happy with my body, but not very happy with my life. I am now at a very good place on my Journey. I traversed a difficult couple of years on a detour that resulted in depression and deep sadness, yet through it all, my loving Heavenly Father was near. As I drew closer to Him for strength, I found the peace and comfort I needed. My mother and father transformed into His angels, wrapping me up in their blanket of love and support. My friends expressed their concern and love. My mind and spirit healed, and I began to feel joy again.
Reconnecting with Gene and then marrying, has brought me another level of happiness I had not previously known. Total acceptance and love from another human being for just being me, no matter what that looks like, is a new experience. Perhaps it was an unconscious test. Would he still love me if I got fat? My love-blind husband frequently addresses me with “Hey, Gorgeous!” and tells me all the time how pretty he thinks I am.
I think, too, that much of my weight gain can be attributed to stress – a new marriage, a new job, a new home. When I’m stressed, I eat M&Ms. And, I’ve eaten LOTS of M&Ms since June. But then again, I eat M&Ms when I’m not stressed, too. I really should buy stock in The Mars Company.
“Stressed spelled backwards is desserts. Coincidence? I think not! “ ~ Author Unknown
I may be Fat & Happy now, but I think if I continue at this rate of expansion, I might soon be a bit too Fat and a lot less Happy. As I sit here and ponder about all of this over a bowl of delicious, multi-colored M&Ms, those bite-sized bits of Heaven, I have resolved to incorporate more daily exercise back into my life. That way, I can return to a body I recognize and still enjoy my little chocolate friends.
“Inside some of us is a thin person struggling to get out, but they can usually be sedated with a few pieces of chocolate cake.” ~ Author Unknown
“The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight because by then, your body and your fat are really good friends” ~ Author Unknown
If You’re Happy & You Know It, Show It, Y’all!!