Saturday, October 10, 2009

Fat & Happy

One morning, recently, I caught sight of myself in the mirror as I was getting dressed. “Whoa! Where’d that pooch come from?!” I turned in a 360˚circle, all the time keeping my eyes on the mirror as I inspected my unrecognizable body. It appeared to me that I had morphed into a fat woman.

And, then I smiled. I thought to myself, “I am Fat & Happy!”

“Whatever has happened to me?” I wondered. I’d spent my life concerned, to a degree, about my weight, trying to eat healthy, but more importantly, exercising daily so that I would avoid an encounter like this with my critical mirror. How did I get here? (And, whose flabby arms are those?!)

In my early 40s, I had been a runner, jogging about 3 miles per day. In addition, I did various exercises each day, such as leg lifts and stomach crunches. I was fit and trim, and best of all, I could still eat all my chocolate and sweets, with no negative consequences.

In my mid-40s, I was diagnosed with moderate arthritis in my hips and was told not to run anymore. I joined a gym and substituted 30 minutes on the elliptical trainer for my morning jog. That seemed to work, and I could still eat whatever I wanted.

The last three years, though, my dedication to daily exercise decreased dramatically – partly due to depression, partly due to the car accident I had last year, and mostly due to sheer laziness. And, now at age 49, with 50 closing in on me next month, I have far exceeded all the waistlines of my favorite clothes. Although this change in my physical life does not seem to be working well for my body, I am still eating whatever I want…only now it shows.

Yes, here I am, Fat & Happy.

I think much of my happiness is on the inside, not the outside. Thinking back to times of my svelte self, I was happy with my body, but not very happy with my life. I am now at a very good place on my Journey. I traversed a difficult couple of years on a detour that resulted in depression and deep sadness, yet through it all, my loving Heavenly Father was near. As I drew closer to Him for strength, I found the peace and comfort I needed. My mother and father transformed into His angels, wrapping me up in their blanket of love and support. My friends expressed their concern and love. My mind and spirit healed, and I began to feel joy again.

Reconnecting with Gene and then marrying, has brought me another level of happiness I had not previously known. Total acceptance and love from another human being for just being me, no matter what that looks like, is a new experience. Perhaps it was an unconscious test. Would he still love me if I got fat? My love-blind husband frequently addresses me with “Hey, Gorgeous!” and tells me all the time how pretty he thinks I am.

I think, too, that much of my weight gain can be attributed to stress – a new marriage, a new job, a new home. When I’m stressed, I eat M&Ms. And, I’ve eaten LOTS of M&Ms since June. But then again, I eat M&Ms when I’m not stressed, too. I really should buy stock in The Mars Company.

“Stressed spelled backwards is desserts. Coincidence? I think not! “ ~ Author Unknown

I may be Fat & Happy now, but I think if I continue at this rate of expansion, I might soon be a bit too Fat and a lot less Happy. As I sit here and ponder about all of this over a bowl of delicious, multi-colored M&Ms, those bite-sized bits of Heaven, I have resolved to incorporate more daily exercise back into my life. That way, I can return to a body I recognize and still enjoy my little chocolate friends.

“Inside some of us is a thin person struggling to get out, but they can usually be sedated with a few pieces of chocolate cake.” ~ Author Unknown

“The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight because by then, your body and your fat are really good friends” ~ Author Unknown

If You’re Happy & You Know It, Show It, Y’all!!


  1. Trust me Grayson, you are beautiful. My very first thought when I met you was how very pretty you are. Dad is big into fitness too so grab him to go with you. He will love it!

    I have an elliptical and slim in 6 but time is killing me...the slim in 6 is not getting used, unfortunately.

    Gonna keep trying 'cause I am fat too!


  2. This blog makes me so happy! I love the honesty, after each baby I had I would confront my large rear and think 'I am going to exercise and only eat very organic foods'. Never happened. Lucky I had shrinkage on the back end but one day it is going to fluff back up and I will have to go to the Gym with my gym-rat sister Lori.
    Probably not- I will join others in the 'Fat and Happy' crowd!