Sunday, January 4, 2009

Defensive Driving

Yesterday, on my way back to the Double M Ranch in my 2000 Dodge Durango, I was on a country highway, driving 70 mph, when a small, black, unidentified creature caught my eye in the upper left corner of my windshield. Rather than keeping my attention on the road, I felt obsessed to find the interloper. Realizing that I wasn’t paying attention to my driving, but before I could pull off to the side of the road, the little, black intruder dropped down right in front of my eyes. My brain screamed out, “SPIDER!!!!!!!” I hit the steering wheel with my hand, not at all certain I had smashed the retched thing, and in a frenzy, pulled my car off the road.

I carefully eyed the steering wheel and column, and reluctantly looked down at my seat, praying the spider had not dropped down on me. There was no shoulder on the road, and I didn’t want to get out of the car. Yet, the thought of a spider anywhere on my person is enough to make me quake with the heebie jeebies for days. I didn’t see the varmint anywhere on me, so I opened my car door and leaned over to look under the steering column. No sign of him there, either. I looked down at the floorboard, concerned that he might be trying to crawl up my leg, but there was nothing.

At long last, I decided I either scared the spider into hiding or I smashed him into nano-sized smithereens, and shut my door. I started up the Durango and looked out the windshield. A blue extended cab Ford pick-up with three young men in it was pulling off across the road from me in the opposite direction. Ironic, I thought, that someone else would also need to pull off the road right out here in the middle of nowhere.

I pulled back onto the highway, and in my rear-view mirror, I noticed the blue truck making a U-turn back onto the road. It suddenly dawned on me that they had stopped to help me. That’s what people do out here. They stop and ask if you’re okay, if you need help. How embarrassing it would’ve been to explain that I was searching for a spider in my car!

I have a God List, which is a list of questions I’d like Heavenly Father to answer when I get to see Him. At the top of my list is why He needed to make spiders so ugly and scary and creepy! And, on another note, but also on the list, whose idea was the nasty red baboon bottom? Terrible idea….really!

"Our ego tells us we're the only ones that have any kind of feelings. We're the only ones with a relationship. We're the only ones with family. You know, I think that if you kill a spider, there is a relationship that you're ruining. There's a conversation going on outside with the other spiders, 'Did you hear about Chris?...Killed yeah...Sneaker. And now Stephanie has nine hundred babies to raise all alone. Well, she's got her legs full I'll tell you that right now. Chris was so kind, wouldn't hurt a fly. It's just been tough for them lately. They just lost their web last week. Those humans think they're so smart. Let them try shooting silk out of their butt and see what they can make.'"--Ellen DeGeneres

Watch Where You’re Goin’, Y’all!


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